Or so they keep telling me. Understandably, the EDD or Estimated Due Date is just that, a neat little estimate that gives us something to look forward to and causes a lot of tension for expecting moms and doctors when it passes unheeded by baby. I have a sneaking suspicion that my date will pass unmarked as well. Mostly because, while I feel my body preparing, I just expect I won’t be that lucky. Not to mention, while they assure me that I measure out, between all the first clinic, my first doctor, and my specialist’s sonograms all seemed to be slightly off in their expectations of what my due date was supposed to be. My very first sonogram, done at the little clinic I went to, was at six weeks, and supposedly, the most accurate in terms of clocking measurement. According to that sonogram I was expected around May 19. Then it dropped to the 15 which aligned with the nifty little chart doctors used as time went by, and even my newest doctor challenged that by saying that the due date was the 14th according to the chart.
Well, in any case, my next appointment is on the 11th and I expect they will make some mention of Cesar’s no show. Especially since I was last measured as being dilated 2 centimeters. Rest assured, little Cesar, I don’t plan on letting them admit me or start planning for an induction too soon.
What I do know is that both Cesar and I are ready to be done! Mother Nature would be the culprit, taking Her sweet time in tidying up any last minute trimmings for him or I. I can tell because I do have the tightening sensations in my tummy, nothing painful, but the contractions of practice or pre-labor are really irritating Cesar, as he kicks and moves a bit more in response to the cramping. I feel nauseous lately, which made me feel better when I learned it’s a sign of pre-labor, except it’s lasted for almost two weeks now, which makes me just that much more relaxed about the whole thing. Not relaxed in a nice way, just a little less caring. I was determined from the beginning of pregnancy not to overreact, or jump up at the first sign of any labor, and I’m thankful for sticking by that because by now I would have been immensely irritated playing the waiting game.
My mother bought me my first Mother’s Day gift, even though some would argue I’m technically not a mother yet. It was an awesome video game, Mortal Kombat! Vincent and I went to town playing the game for six hours on Saturday and finished it up on Sunday (Mother’s Day). I told my mom it was the first Mother’s Day present I’ve ever gotten and is the best! Sure does help take my mind off of everything as well. If there is one thing I can say I learned with Cesar, it’s how to relax and balance work and play. I have no intention of keeping an untidy home, as I have previously mentioned over and over. However, I learned that what I could do was, instead of trying to always clean the whole house at once, I clean one room every day as my project. I formed this routine and am quite pleased with it, because I feel like I can relax knowing that, since there are only four rooms, the home is kept quite nicely by this cycle. It certainly does help me to enjoy myself as well, and be a little more lazy like my son is going to be.
I am so thankful for Vincent as well. With everything that has happened in this last month (unfortunately, it has been quite intense and I have been unable to write about it), I am grateful he is able to understand my stress. I have stopped working finally, taking home my very last paycheck. My father and I had a tremendous fight, which spread out to the rest of the family, and while I talked to him the other day for a small bit it seems to have done no good to smooth over the situation. I’ve gotten quite big and I feel ridiculously fat, which is really beginning to irritate me, especially since a walk can now knock the breath out of me (though I still refuse to waddle!). Getting comfortable is growing increasingly difficult, especially since I feel as though I spend the majority of my time laying down… wouldn’t be such a bad thing as I love cat naps except that my fat tummy bears down on anything it can, including ribs, pelvis, lungs, and just takes up a lot of space in general. I’m hungry all the time despite nausea, so that’s annoying too.
Then there was the whole issue of possibly giving birth at home. I started reading about unassisted childbirth, a subject I hadn’t even dreamed existed but now feel quite foolish. Of course, I think now, why wouldn’t there be advocates for it. Groups of women who felt like I do even before me and have had experiences without hospitals. I found whole websites and books on this taboo subject. It’s completely amazing and refreshing. I told Vincent I wanted to keep it as an open option after doing much reading, and we had our first real argument. Which, in all honesty, was frustrating but involved no yelling or screaming, nothing with a typical fight except that I went to bed angry, which I try to avoid.
The next morning, I woke up to, “Hey Prego, I’ve been reading and it’s okay if you have the baby here.” I was so surprised and drowsy from sleep that I could hardly express myself appropriately. It makes me feel quite special that he took the time to do this for me. I suspect he might actually care about me! But more importantly, it makes me feel like I should do something especially nice for him in the future, because this was really important and I can’t say that in my entire life I have had anyone do something so nice.
So there it is. We will play this out by ear, and I feel so much relief with that as we venture into this waiting game. I said my prayers to my goddess Hathor on Mother’s Day, and continue to look to Her for confidence on this day coming up.
