I am not sure what it is about being pregnant that alters your mind. People always tell me that when you become pregnant it “changes everything.” I wouldn’t presume they realize the tone in which they say it, although sometimes I think the underlying message is intentional, and therefore shines through a little more dominantly than they expected. It’s a negative tone, nearly indescribable, a condescending vibration used mainly by singles and those who haven’t had such a great experience, but is universally spoken by everyone whenever people (such as myself) suddenly find themselves wondering what it might be like to have a child.
“It’s a different life,” they say, sure to add on that famous disclaimer, “Not necessarily a bad one. Just a different one.”
While I can appreciate the ups and downs any parent might go through, and recognize that it’s not all fun and games, I can’t say that hearing this overplayed theme leaves a positive impression for anyone. Regretfully, I get the feeling that we have a guarded feeling towards pregnancy. Yet how could we not? In our defense, with the hard times of the economy, the increasing opportunities for women who chose to be independent, and not to mention the younger age at which girls are giving birth, of course we would want to discourage them from taking such a life altering leap. However, in my humble opinion, perhaps that approach is wrong.
Why shun the idea of having a child? In no way do I endorse the idea of a fourteen year old running off to conceive, but I do think with healthy values, we could encourage that fourteen year old to treat pregnancy less like a disease, and with respect. As a process of life that needs to be properly prepared for to get the most enjoyment out of it. Why talk about it with distain?
My own outlook changed vastly once I had received some advice from a friend. “Your life is changing,” she said, “You are entering a new stage. You were the maiden all these years. Now it’s time to be the mother.” From her perspective, instead of breaking life down into the before and after stages of having a child (first you’re fun, free, and now your life is… different) she used the comparison of the triple goddess of the old religions. Worshiped for her aspects, she was viewed as a journey all women underwent, each stage being vitally important for each generation. She was right. I had experienced the joys of a young girl. I had spent my years making mistakes, learning, living as a maiden soaking up the possibilities of my future. Now, in the present, I can say that I am comfortable where I am. I feel that I have attained the personality and to some extent (no one is perfect) the lifestyle I wanted. Having achieved that, I had been blessed to move on to the next stage, the stage of motherhood. And eventually (even though it might pain me to say it now) I will undergo the task of becoming the crone. I will become the old women who dotes on the young, and hopefully, the wise one who can be looked upon with respect.
That said, it is Halloween today, and I had such trouble selecting my costume. I suppose it’s because I am having a more difficult time selecting a style for myself. The transition period to motherhood leaves me with a few minor details I need to clean up. What’s my style? Is style necessary? Will I become conservative or boring now, or is it ok to still be sexy (in that pleasing, attractive way, not in the slutty, ‘I want to be young again’ kind of way). And how? I’ve always had trouble appreciating my appearance, and now thanks to a combination of hormones and attitude, I am mixed up. At times I feel pretty, like my blossoming self is just right, and that when it’s done I can work on losing all that weight, so I should just enjoy being a balloon now. Then again, I’ve only just begun to show, so it looks more like I’ve been getting a head start on the Halloween candy for the past week rather than I’m carrying a child!
I finally settled on a black cat. I’ve always loved cats anyway, and since I was going to have to work and I wanted it to be simple, what better than some black cat ears, a tail, and a few accessories? Maybe not my best work, but definitely something I can be comfortable in. It was so important for me to enjoy Halloween, especially since I am a believer that the things you do while pregnant affect your baby. Personally, I'd like to point out that one of the things I am looking forward to most in being a mother are the holidays. As stressful as they can be, I've always had great memories thanks to my own family.
So my belly is bulging, my belt hangs just under it, and behind me a tail swings. In some moments I chuckle, thinking, “I guess I’m not just any black kitty. To be more specific, I’m that neighborhood black cat that got knocked up.” However, since I don’t think that’s what customers want to hear, I guess I’ll keep that one to myself.
Above: Feeling a little insecure, I get over the fact that my cheeks look like they are harboring tootsie rolls and get to loving halloween! Now all I need is my witch! Note the original loop earrings in my kitty ear. Yeah, those were old belly button rings.
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