Gaining Control...

Today I had my nails done. For a while I could feel my hormones kicking in with a vengeance. The color of the tips wasn’t purple enough, the nail tech had made the mistake like all those who have done my nails before and gone too deep (my nails are thinner than most) and left light red indents around the edges.

                After an excellent morning, I dipped very low, and struggled to ward off my growing temper. I was very aware as to what a silly thing it would be to fret over. Nails grow back, and I was also aware that not only were they pretty, but that I would get over it and then feel like a fool later.

                Waiting it out felt like an eternity though. I’ve never felt such a boiling of the blood that I couldn’t rationalize a bit quicker. Still, after about an hour and a half I managed to return to normal.

                Knowing that I still have a rational mind keeps me at ease, especially since I have definitely started to succumb to the hormones as of lately. I had a great chat with my mom yesterday, who instilled my  sense of control over my situation. She gently reminded me, “Just remember, no matter where you are or what’s going on, that baby’s coming. Stay home as long as you feel you can or are comfortable with, so that you’re not restricted to the bed of a hospital.” She reminded me of her birth, in which for the first stage she went swimming, saw a movie, and did other activities to pass the time at her leisure. So today, luckily, I feel more at ease.. that I will determine how I feel and when it’s appropriate to do what… I mean, I don’t think anyone can say for certain what is going to happen, nor can they give me a step by step guide that will apply directly to me.

               

                Hormones are a tricky thing, as it turns out, and boy was my mother right! The first six months were a breeze…  but now it’s as though they have been unleashed!

                Still, I keep my chin up, and am pleased to report I still admit my mood swings to Vincent, and can handle them as appropriately as possible.

                My next appointment has also been set for the 18^th. After the clinic called and informed me that the doctor was unavailable to see me on the date of my previous appointment (ummmm, I thought the nurse said he was there every day?), I cancelled completely. I called my father later and asked him if when I rescheduled he would like to come along and he agreed. I was very surprised at how smooth the conversation was. I asked, he said he would just take the day off for it. I called the clinic, and negotiated a day  which was a week out from my original appointment date. I feel relieved knowing my father will be there. I have always felt that he can fight and win just about any battle, and I hope I can achieve as much in the eyes of my son someday. I actually feel somewhat guilty that I asked him to come along… as I know this is a battle I should have probably just fought myself. However, in this particular case, with all the scenarios involving women getting taken advantage of by a doctor who “knows better” during labor, I couldn’t help but feel that I didn’t want to be labeled, “that irrational, hormonal girl.” Not to mention my mother pointed out that I probably feel very alone right now and when you combine that with the idea of being drugged up, lied to, or taken advantage of in a hospital, it can have serious effects. So yes, I am so grateful for my father.

Once again, I think in my next life I might like to be a man, that way I can stand up for some pretty lady in her time of need.

It’s amazing what upping my water intake has done for me. My thick ankles and feet that were attributed to preeclampsia by my nurse have lost much of their girth. I can see the bones in my feet again!

I am so grateful for my family and the things they do for me. My mother is even coming down for a week in May, after the due date, to help me out and ease any transition for Vincent and I. Which is extremely important to me. I don’t want our lives to become solely about our son. I want to make sure we have fun together with each other as well, and while I know it will be hard, it’s probably the best advice I’ve gotten for a successful family environment.

On a side note: I am very anxious to experience my first Braxton Hicks contraction. Yeah yeah, I know most women will tell me I shouldn't be excited. But of course I am! I'll actually be able to have some gage of the pain (even though real labor pains are more intense) and my body will begin practicing. I want to see how I will respond to them, and since my pain tolerancy has always been fairly decent. I understand that the Braxton Hicks are quie uncomfortable for some and for others they are not even noticeable... I would like to get some practice in!