I ate and ate and ate. As I am keeping a log of everything I eat daily, I am pleased to write that on this past holiday of Thanksgiving, my log reads, "Everything eaten in excess, went crazy... whoops." All of this is hastily written, followed by a variety of traditional Thanksgiving foods. In retrospect, the turkey wasn't bad for carbs, neither was the green beans. It's the mashed potatoes, the corn, the bread. Well, especially the potatos. I was literally drunk, high off of carbs, experiencing a boost of energy. I didn't even feel sleepy after eating turkey! At one point, I remember gluttonously helping myself to mashed potatos, then potato salad. Hey, in my defense, who the heck puts out potato salad and mashed potatos? - Someone who wants you to eat them!
While my energy kick lasted throughout the day, once I did sleep, I slept hard, and the next day my legs had gone back to feeling groggy. It was as though the carbs had lumped from my feet up, weighing me down. I now notice a great difference in how "light" I feel between the days I do eat veggies and meat, versus those days when I allow myself to eat heavy carbs. In that case, you may ask, is it worth it? Oh yeah. A nice break from those pesky veggies gives me not only breaks up the monotomy here and there, but it can satisfy pesky little cravings that are building up so that I don't quit altogether. Two days later and I'm back to right, and even though tomorrow is Sunday, my free day, I don't intend to take it overboard. Maybe a little mint chocolate chip ice cream. Okay, definetely.
I met quite a number of Vince's family finally as well. It made me feel good to see so many people in one place, and once we were introduced, I relaxed in their warm atmosphere, which is very rare for me. Then again, they were all extremely wonderful for my ego! They told me I was beautiful and asked me lots of questions, each of them getting excited. Sometimes I secretly hope that Vince takes note of all that. He's fully aware and confindent in his own charm, and it has crossed my mind in more sensitive moments that he might actually overlook me (even though when I ask he insists I'm pretty - men are strange like that).
Beyond that, I have to admit I intended to put this post up as a short one. A little reminder that the holidays are here and I'm still around. I have my appointment next week for the specialist, and I am absolutely not thrilled. I am becoming forgetful, and while playful people like to blame it on the baby brain, I'm afraid it's more due to my own anxiety. I keep envisioning being trapped, examined, experimented. I feel powerless against these people. After all, even if we don't agree, what else is there? I've done the research, the options really aren't limitless. There's just one. Monitor the baby.. if things get worse, time for procedures depending on the extent of the damage. Bleh... but I don't feel like going into those today.
At least my father will be there. He's taking time off of work to join Vincent and me. I feel bad that I have had to enlist my father, but then I think even Vincent doesn't really know what to say or how to handle it, nor does it bother him that my father is stepping in. Personally, it bothers me. I'm being pushy, hormonal, but I do worry about the future.
I told Vincent the other day (lighthearted), "One day, you'll be a dad. If we do have a baby girl, she's going to want to know she's protected, that her daddy will be there. At the rate we are going if kids make fun of her and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad!' her response will be, 'Oh yeah well my mom can beat up your dad!'" Can anyone say, gender confusion? And while I find it incredibly funny and self empowering, I do find it unnerving now. I can't help it, but I wish I were a man, as I think I would fair much better. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's this sudden loss of power, the feeling that I am pregnant which has automatically disabled me. Oh sure, I have some say now. But in the emergency room, giving labor, be it an epidural, natural or otherwise, if something goes wrong, I'll be vulnerable. And that's my worst fear, vulernability in the presence of the people I trust the very least in this world.
Well, we will see, won't we?
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